THIS MORNING, my mind wandered into some deep territory. Thoughts from decades ago—formed on a teenage LSD trip—crossed paths with stuff I’ve been picking up about AI and quantum computing, of all things. These strands of ideas twisted further, getting entangled with the heavy feelings I’ve been carrying as my mother slips closer to the edge, her body frail with cancer. It’s been a rough, heart-heavy emotional ride, and it’s not getting any easier, but it’s carried me to some quiet, powerful places of understanding. I’m not sharing this as someone who’s figured it all out—just as a solitary soul fumbling through the chaos. But maybe, somewhere in these words, you’ll catch an echo of your own thoughts on this subject.
Under the influence of mid-1970s LSD, the real deal, I experienced an awe-inspiring insight and acute awareness of how all life is interconnected. My suddenly enlightened mind proclaimed, “We’re all part of the universe and all a part of each other!” I could see it, feel it—the reality that we’re made of the same stuff as the stars, the trees, the animals—and that we’re one with everything. But as powerful as that experience was at the time, in hindsight, it wasn’t the full unveiling, just a sneak peek, a slight hint at a deeper understanding. Still, it stuck with me, like a seed that had sprouted.
This morning, my mind wandered into some deep territory. Thoughts from years ago—formed on a teenage LSD trip—crossed paths with stuff I’ve been picking up about AI and quantum computing, of all things.
Fast forward to last year: I was at home, lost in hours of computer work when I suddenly slipped into a trance mid-thought. Something that had never happened to me before. I was fully awake and still upright in my chair—but it was as if I had flipped a channel on the TV and landed on a parallel stream of consciousness. Waves of insight crashed over me—along with a strange sense of joy and excitement. It was as if the universe was beaming secret knowledge straight into my brain. It wasn’t frightening at first; it felt more than natural; it seemed supernatural. One revelation hit, and before I could catch my breath, another revealed itself—like turning pages of a book. My head filled with mind-bending stuff, and though I was still totally there, awake and sitting in my seat, I couldn’t move. I didn’t want to. I was locked in, soaking it all up, thinking, “Man, people need to hear about this!” I was so sure I’d remember every detail once the spell broke.
After five distinct revelations, I snapped out of it. The “book” slammed shut, and I just sat there, completely blown away. I decided I’d better write it all down before I forget anything—stuff that profound was too good to lose even a fraction of. But then I realized I couldn’t recall a single thing. Not one detail. It was gone. That was when I started to freak out a little, half-convinced I’d had a stroke or something. Terrified, I called for an ambulance, hoping I’d still be breathing when they rolled up. At the ER, they ran tests and found nothing wrong, and the doctor laughed under his breath, “What’s he even doing here?” Like I was some kind of lunatic in need of a lobotomy. As I was grabbing my stuff to go, a nurse popped in. She’d overheard my story and grinned. “Sounds like one hell of a ride,” she said. “Don’t be afraid of it happening again. Hope that it does. You should practice bringing it on again, not everyone experiences that sort of thing.” I still haven’t taken her advice. If it all just vanishes afterward, what’s the point? I’ve got better things to do, you know, like the dishes and laundry.
Then, totally out of the blue, I had a dream last night that dredged up fragments of those revelations from a year back. When I woke up, part of the dream stuck with me, and I recognized it—it was from that first wave that washed over me while I was sitting in my chair. It was an understanding of what happens when we die and what we experience the moment we die. But let’s stop here—before I dive into the deep end, here’s a disclaimer: this could all be spun from my vivid and wild imagination. And I’m not saying the universe singled me out and chose me as a special messenger to share its secrets. I know I’m not alone in seeing this. I just need to share and write about what I experienced. That’s what I do. That’s my only intention. Take it or leave it.
Waves of insight crashed over me—along with a strange sense of joy and excitement. It was as if the universe was beaming secret knowledge straight into my brain. It wasn’t frightening at first; it felt more than natural; it seemed supernatural.
No doubt you’re familiar with what certain religions say about the afterlife. The looming judgment, with hellfire for the majority and endless bliss for the chosen few. Then there’s Hinduism and Buddhism, where the soul blends into the universe. In Hinduism, it’s the idea of Atman, your soul, fusing with Brahman, the universal soul. And Buddhism’s take on enlightenment also ditches the notion of a standalone self, suggesting that when we die, we meld into oneness. If you think about it, we’re made of the same atomic stuff as everything else. Aren’t we already at one with the universe? That stuff we’re made of doesn’t die—it’s eternal. I’m convinced consciousness doesn’t die, either. What struck me in that vision was this: merging with the universe doesn’t erase who we are. Our selfhood doesn’t vanish—it expands. We are not only everything we experience in our life. We are everything the universe has experienced. We are the universe. We are everything all at once.
The moment we die, all is unveiled—in an instant. Every thought whispered in every mind across time, every buried truth and hidden secret, unfurls before us as if our own lives flashed before our eyes. We know every heartbeat, every hidden deed—good, bad, ugly—of every soul that has ever lived. Every cruel detail, every silent wish. Beyond that, we grasp the universe’s full arc, from its first spark to its final flicker. Every second of every life in every civilization, on every planet, in every dimension or reality—it’s all part of our knowledge and understanding. The movement of every quark, every buzz of every insect, the rise and fall of every creature, large and small, every fleeting moment of anything that has ever been or ever will be, becomes us. We’re the universe, and the universe is us, plain and simple.
Back in the physical world, as quantum computers and AI continue to advance at an incredible speed, recent studies hint that they might eventually unlock deep truths and hidden knowledge about consciousness itself—that it isn’t just locked in our heads but threaded through everything, as the oldest traditions have been teaching forever.
That brings me full circle to this morning, lost in my head, grappling with my mom’s losing battle with cancer. It’s a gut punch, watching death creeping closer. She says, “The Grim Reaper is not gonna get me.” But he gets everyone sooner or later. It’s got me wrestling daily with the big “what’s next” question—for her, for me, for everyone. Who knows? I’m not pretending I know for sure; I can’t prove it. But I strongly suspect there’s more to us than meets the eye. I’m betting on an experience that completely overtakes and engulfs us, a revelation that we’ve always been part of something vast and wondrous. That knowledge will have us understand that it was all worthwhile. It was all a learning experience. Even the worst parts: the horrifying and unspeakable things humans have done to each other (as hard as it is to wrap our heads around that now or even try to accept).
Interesting to note that the word universe, derives from the Latin word universus, meaning 'combined into one'.
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