My Big Day at the Races
Hot Rod Condoms VS Budweiser & Viagra
I decided to sponsor a race team at Laguna Seca Raceway in the summer of 2002 and was excited to set up a promotional booth for Hot Rod Condoms on the paddock. Not more than an hour into race day, uptight raceway staff swarmed my booth, visibly upset. A crotchety old boss lady with a mullet and a clipboard stepped up and ordered me to clear my "offensive product" out of their "family venue!"
Any hope I had of reasoning with her was quickly driven under the wheels of her unswerving self-righteous tirade, fueled by high-octane, out-of-context bible verses. When I realized that I would lose the contest no matter what shrewd argument I came up with, I decided to give her a run for her money.
She accused me of promoting loose morals and promiscuous sex to kids by selling condoms, and I, in turn, accused her of promoting drunk driving by having Budweiser signs plastered all over her stupid race track.
While she was dressing me down, I couldn't help but notice the enormous billboard behind her, high above the racetrack, boldly advertising Viagra. When she told me that she didn't like “the images condoms put in my mind!" I pointed to the sign and said, "Well, I don't like the image of horny grandpas with big throbbing erections Viagra puts in my head!"
She skipped a beat, but it didn't slow her down.
She accused me of promoting loose morals and promiscuous sex to kids by selling condoms, and I, in turn, accused her of promoting drunk driving by having Budweiser signs plastered all over her stupid race track.
Despite protests from the team I was sponsoring, I was forced to pull up stakes on my booth and take down my Hot Rod Condoms banners. She didn't care that I spent a healthy chunk of change supporting one of the race teams competing that day and that they'd be left scrambling to find another sponsor to continue racing that summer.
In a remarkable and absolutely hilarious display of instant karma, I was invited to the announcer booth to join other sponsors; no one had any idea what went down on the paddock. When I was handed the microphone, I told the crowd what had just happened to me over the race track loudspeakers with all the indignation I could muster. Everyone in the booth was appalled at how I was treated.
As the races continued that day, every time one of the cars I sponsored drove past the grandstand, the announcer shouted out, "And there goes the Hot Rod Condoms car! Yeah! LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE HOT ROD CONDOMS CAR!"
Other race teams came by to grab decals to place on their cars and helmets in protest, and I unfurled one of my banners in defiance back on the paddock. I never could have pulled together enough cash to pay for the amount of satisfaction I wound up enjoying that day: my big day at the races.
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That’s awesome! Great story.